There’s a lot to love about me… at least that’s what I’ve been told. But for awhile now, there’s actually been too much of me to love. I’m talking about my weight. I complained or whined about my weight like any normal teenage girl, even though I didn’t have anything to complain about at a size 4/6. But never really gave it serious thought until I got re-married. Back then my weight went up and down 15lbs., but I still thought it was manageable. Seven years later, I found myself at 198lbs. Seriously. This is a big deal since I’m barely 5ft. tall. I was also told that I was borderline diabetic in 2006 and this made things even worse.
So a couple of years ago, I started on a journey to a new me. I managed to lose 40lbs. during that first year. I was going to the gym on a daily basis. I watched what I ate. I even counted calories. I felt really good and was no longer borderline diabetic.
I made it a goal to be at my goal weight by my 40th birthday. Yeah. Well, I turned 40 in April. So what is the problem? Well, I’m not sure but I just can’t seem to get myself back into the gym again. I started out wanting to lose 80lbs., which I later came to the realization that it was an unrealistic goal. Then I changed it to to 70lbs. I lost 40lbs. Then gained 15lbs. I haven’t been to the gym (on a regular basis) since October of last year.
All this weight gain, or rather the failure to continue with my weight loss, has made me less sociable and just unhappy overall. I know what it’s doing to me. I can feel it. I also know I can get right back on track. In fact, I could be at the gym right now. Good grief, I dish out $50 every month for a 24hr. gym. So why the hell can’t I get my ass out to the gym?!!! I think about it all the time. Weight is always on my mind. I only had another 30lbs. to go, before I started gaining the weight back. And really, it’s not just the weight that’s on my mind. I actually miss being at the gym. I miss working out. I miss the sweat. Most of all, I miss running.
I know. I’m totally rambling, I have to get this off my chest. Maybe by getting all this out there, I will finally get myself back on track. I’ll go back to my regular blogging, but I’ll also add my weight loss posts too. So…new goal. My goal is to lose 50lbs. by the end of the year. I just have to figure out a way to get my ass out of the house and not worry about who sees me at the gym or the lake, or think about the family sitting around the house not doing a damn thing while I’m busting my ass (yes, I’m bitter). I know I can do it. I just have to…do it.
Losing the weight really isn’t that hard for me, it’s the motivation to keep going that’s tough. Living in a house full of introverts doesn’t help at all. I’m all alone in this thing, but I really want this. So help me keep track. Ask me how it’s going every once in awhile. Give me a swift kick in the ass when I slack off. Better yet, if you find yourself in the same boat, join me. And if you’ve been there, give me some tips.
*SIGH* of relief that this is all out there now.
image credit: Pink Sherbet Photography